Addiction-Recovery Highs-n-Lows

After Poor poor twisted and addicted me – I and Poor poor twisted and addicted me – II this is the third post in the “Poor poor twisted and addicted me series” in which I attempt to tell you the reader how poor poor and twisted I am in my addiction if you haven’t guessed. Since I already told you that I am still in active addiction I can guess that you can guess that I must be twisted, wasted, toasted, roasted etc etc. As we know addiction has a habbit of doing this to anybody in it’s hold and so it’s done that to me as well. Just to refresh, my choice of drugs are; opioid prescription medications such codeine, tramadol and hydrocodones plus I do some benzos as well though I have been careful not to get hooked on them. (I heard the W/D’s are very very bad,)

As I said in my story, PPTAAM – I and PPTAAM – II, my hope in blogging about my addiction and recovery from it, (hope it starts soon now) is that I will get a better perspective on my situation while being able to reach out to other addicts/non – addicts out there, who would give a shit. So if you give a shit about what I want to tell you in this post which is my downward spiral in addiction until when I was selling everything I had to be on drugs.

I was used to drinking, but I always did it more or less socially only. This was until about a year and half ago, this was when I took tp drinking heavily with a friend I had at the office, he was the same guy who introduced me to prescription opioid medication, so my using of drugs started while I was working in a comfortable IT related job, at that point, I didn’t have any financial trouble in supporting my drug habit, but all of the drugs and alcohol started taking their toll on me soon, not only was I getting unfit physically, my thinking was getting quite warped and derranged as well, I hated my job, using drugs and alcohol on weekends was all I wanted to do. Many things at my workplace started to get on my nerves and eventually, 3 months after starting to take drugs, I quit this great job I had …

My plan was to relax and take a break for some 10-15 days and slow down on the drugs as well and then start a new job, but well, my vaccation time never really ended and the amount of drugs I took kept increasing.

I was soon out of the money I had saved from my job, I was staying with my parents and I would hustle my drug money from them making all kinds of stories and excuses, I was also hustling and taking loans from every single friend/acquaintance I had and I would occasionally steal money from my mothers cabinet as well. My indulgent and princely life soon could not be tolerated at my house by my folks, I was told I will not get any money from them and that I must work to support myself (this was 3-4 months since I had quit the job)

I looked for a job but I couldn’t get any, the drugs and alcohol really had taken their toll, I would never get up before late in the noon time, how the fuck could I go for any interviews, when I did make it, I would go after using drugs I never passed any interviews. There was this one job that I did land, I was actually being offered more than my previous job, the only problem was that it was farther away from my place which meant more commuting time. Well, my drug-n-alcohol addicted mind-n-body could not cope up with the demands of a proffesional work life and I quit in the first week itself. This is when the gravity of my addiction dawned on me but only a bit. (this was 6-7 months after I had quit that job)

Time always would fly away so fast when I was doing drugs; back then, day after day I used and months would pass without me noticing at all and at present I am 19 months in to my addiction!!!

Throughout I had been stealing money from my house, taking big amounts of money as loans from everyone I could get money from and later withdrew large amounts of money from my credit card, which I think I’ll include in the list of things I sold or stole.

The first thing to go was a gold chain I used to wear, it was some 14.5 grams and I loved it but when I found my self dry wanting more drugs, (just once or twice again I tought at the time), I ‘pawned it’ for 8000 rs [200$ or something (I told myself I’ll get it back soon when I get myself together sooner or later.).

Well, a week after that, I hadn’t got anything together, had just blown all of the cash, again I told myself that I just want to use some more, think things through and take control, fuck the chain I thought and sold it, I was telling myself I can buy many more later when my career/work/proffesional life takes off in short while (inwardly, I thought, the way to being a millionaire which I was destined to be will just fall from the heavens in my lap)

This was the first item I sold in a long list of items I stole and sold, I’d like to whine and rant some more about the stupid and horrid things I did but there’s only so much you can put in 1 post. More to come in the next one