Addiction-Recovery Highs-n-Lows

So, I have made my last move today , as I had decided (I had decided for it to be day before yesterday however:o)); I went for the methadone treatment just this morning. But the doctor I met over there also suggested a detox or better yet, a rehab stay just like everybody else has been suggesting. He refused to put me on the methadone cum brufene program because he opined that W/D’s from quitting just Codeine does not require that kind of medication.

Instead he just gave some pills called proxy1 which are supposed to help ease the ‘mild’ Codeine W/D’s. I took them today after lunch as he had suggested and they did help with the body aches and anxiety. I felt OK really most of the day and was able to put in a full day of work (in the new job I started yesterday) and I went for my editing classes after that in the evening as well. Read more »

This last time, once again, my recovery lasted for a single day, after being clean on June 28th, what do I do on the 29th? Go and have a couple of bottles on impulse and the cycle began again. Looking at the big picture, I have been in and out of active addiction at least 50 times during the last few months. The maximum I have been able to abstain from drugs has been for a week, but even that, a week, or four-five days clean times have been rare, mostly, I have been stopping for a day or two and then relapsing again.

Makes me wonder if I really am capable of cleaning up outside in the free world on my own. A detox/rehab will get me the clean time I need for some clear thinking and maybe even decrease the hold the cravings have over me. But as I said in PPTAAM - I, I can’t for even a ten day detox (which is the minimum duration detox they have here in my city, Mumbai-India) because I am enrolled for some thing I have paid a lot for. Read more »

In my latest attempts to recover from my addiction, I have been clean for a day now, it’s after midnight (actually 1 in the morning), so I have been able to live through more than 24 hours without taking any kind of drugs. I didn’t do anything else that was great today but as I have been told by recovering addicts everywhere, each day lived clean is a successful day no matter what and so I am happy about being successful today :-). I didn’t feel great today nor did I feel absolutely terrible, this was one of those days when you run on autopilot, killing time watching TV, surfing on the web, reading etc etc. You might be surprised I am not whining about my terrible withdrawals but that is because I don’t find it too difficult at all. Read more »

To refresh, in Poor poor twisted and addicted me - I, I talked about the fact that I am still very much in active addiction, how bad my addiction is and what have I tried so far to get rid of it. Poor poor twisted and addicted me - II is just about where I stand professionally, my family life and a rough summary of what my situation is. Poor poor twisted and addicted me - III, I wanted to share the downward spiral in every department of my life (after starting on drugs) to the point when I was selling everything to be high on drugs.

As I shared in PPTAAM - III I didn’t even realize that I was hopelessly hooked on to opioid drugs and that I was already speeding on the road to total dereliction until I had been taking drugs for some 9 months (6 months since I had kicked a very good job I had).

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After Poor poor twisted and addicted me - I and Poor poor twisted and addicted me - II this is the third post in the “Poor poor twisted and addicted me series” in which I attempt to tell you the reader how poor poor and twisted I am in my addiction if you haven’t guessed. Since I already told you that I am still in active addiction I can guess that you can guess that I must be twisted, wasted, toasted, roasted etc etc. As we know addiction has a habbit of doing this to anybody in it’s hold and so it’s done that to me as well. Just to refresh, my choice of drugs are; opioid prescription medications such codeine, tramadol and hydrocodones plus I do some benzos as well though I have been careful not to get hooked on them. (I heard the W/D’s are very very bad,)

As I said in my story, PPTAAM - I and PPTAAM - II, my hope in blogging about my addiction and recovery from it, (hope it starts soon now) is that I will get a better perspective on my situation while being able to reach out to other addicts/non - addicts out there, who would give a shit. So if you give a shit about what I want to tell you in this post which is my downward spiral in addiction until when I was selling everything I had to be on drugs. Read more »

OK, continuing from I left of in Poor poor twisted and addicted me I, here’s more from me:

My life as of now is a nightmare, I am 24 (not too late I know, but I already have lost quite a lot), no college degree therefore no prospects of good work, (I have always had an interest in movie making that is why I joined the movie editing course I spoke about in I, hope I can make a good career in it) I am still staying with my parents and am dependent on them for nearly everything. My parents are very very frustrated with me (and with good reason) but despite knowing all of this and feeling like shit 24/7, I haven’t been able to quit. But whining is not the only reason I started this blog, I instead hope that blogging about my addiction and recovery will get me a better perspective about my addiction, life and on myself in general, if it helps anyone else as well, then great!!

In summary, my situation is: Read more »

To be honest, I am not clean from drugs right now and therefore I really can’t say too much about recovery because my recovery hasn’t yet started. At this point in my life I am hopelessly addicted to ‘Codeine Cough Syrups’. I have been addicted to Codeine since around 14-15 months. I have been trying to give up Codeine since at least 3-4 months now (including a 28-days detox which I did not complete, I came out on the 14th day) but I haven’t met success. Getting hospitalized or checking in to a detox isn’t an option for me for two reasons, the first is that I don’t have the money for a detox program and the second is that I stupidly joined a Non Linear Editing (Movie Editing) course and have paid a huge fees for it. (Paid by my parents). As for kicking the opiate by myself staying free, the maximum number of days that I have been able to be clean consecutively is a week. I have inevitably slipped after a week when I can’t take the anxiety, dullness, a feeling of emptiness and the wave of depression that comes over me when I try to quit. Read more »

Welcome to addictionrecovery.blog.co.in. This is where I blog about my addiction to drugs, alcohol and my recovery from the addiction. Please take a look around and if you like or dislike something/anything, let me know, thank you for visiting …